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The practice of encouragement is a lost art that I think could revolutionize modern Christianity. In over a decade of full-time ministry, I can confidently say that most people are uncomfortable offering heartfelt, personalized encouragement and affirmation. They are just as uncomfortable, if not more so, receiving those words. 

THE ABSENCE OF ENCOURAGING WORDS

I have made a habit of asking people a question everywhere I go. "When was the last time someone sat down with you, held eye contact, and proceeded to tell you something about you that they admire, respect, or are inspired by? In other words, do people ever encourage you with specific words that resonate with your soul and make you feel seen and known?” 

When was the last time someone sat down with you, held eye contact, and proceeded to tell you something about you that they admire, respect, or are inspired by?

If this has happened to you recently, would you consider it to be a regular occurrence? If so, does it ever feel like it comes with strings attached or with expectations of reciprocation? Or is it done in a patronizing way? Or in a manner that seems to expect more of what you're being "affirmed" for? Unfortunately, encouragement is rarely free. 

People have answered my question plainly and with alarming consistency: "I can’t remember the last time someone encouraged me like that." There may be a connection between what we think the Gospel is and why we're completely inept at encouraging one another. 

Unfortunately, encouragement is rarely free. 

WHY WE DON’T SPEAK ENCOURAGING WORDS

The reasons we are afraid to give and receive words of encouragement are significant and manifold. For a start, we don't want to do something that will make us feel inferior, like celebrating someone else's awesomeness to their face. Second, we're afraid of puffing up their ego. We can't even receive words of encouragement because we're worried we'll get a big head - so we don't even try. Third, we have no idea how to do this because it has scarcely been modeled or taught.

Imagine an example. The next time you sit at the break table with a coworker over coffee, they begin to gush about how they respect how you handled yourself on that confrontational conference call. What if they looked you in the eye and said something like this: "You didn't buckle under the pressure they put on you. Instead, you responded compassionately and with enough humility to find some truth in what they said about you. You are a great listener." It feels pretty good to be told something you're great at. 

When it comes to the Gospel and following Jesus with others, we have abundant expectations and advice, but a severe famine of encouragement. It's so significant that to be a modern human being in America is to wrestle with anxieties of all kinds. We live in fear that we aren't good enough or won't have enough to survive. We believe lies about ourselves and others. I think we have underestimated the power of words.

When it comes to the Gospel and following Jesus with others, we have abundant expectations and advice, but a severe famine of encouragement.

THE WAY WORDS CHANGE MATTER

Join me on a brief tangent to consider some surface-level science on the matter. Don't quote me, but I have yet to talk to a psychologist who isn't clapping along while forgiving my unprofessional vocabulary.

Words change matter. When human beings speak, reality is adjusted, created even. Think about it: there is a firestorm of neurological exchanges in the brain of the speaker so they can move their lungs, vocal cords, and tongue to generate meaning-communicating sound. Also, the listener's eardrums are vibrated, and those vibrations are interpreted by the brain to create meaning. Electricity and chemicals (and probably lots of other things I don’t understand) course through the brain in the process of speaking and hearing words.

Words change matter.

A human being is never not emotional, so we feel what we say and what we hear before we ever think about it - another firestorm of cerebral activity. Words that we are used to hearing a certain way continue to be heard that way until we are sufficiently disrupted and convinced otherwise. This happens because neurological pathways (of least resistance) are carved out in our brains as we seek to use less energy the next time we try to interpret that thing. 

To put it plainly, when I speak, the physiological state of your brain changes. Even as you read the words I'm writing right now, I'm affecting the makeup of your brain! The words I speak change the matter of your mind. To speak to one another is to change one another. This has been happening since the day you and I were born. How we think and experience reality is more shaped by words than we've ever dared imagine. 

To speak to one another is to change one another.

IT MATTERS THAT WORDS CHANGE MATTER

Is it any wonder that the Gospel is a spoken declaration about who Jesus is? Or that all of creation is said to have come into existence by the speech of God? Or that believers are called to bear witness to a true story, not to save themselves or anybody else by effort? Why would anyone be surprised then that the words we speak deeply impact the people we say them to? 

Is it any wonder that the Gospel is a spoken declaration about who Jesus is?

No word is benign, and no absence of needed words is insignificant. We believe more of what is said about us than we are willing to admit. So, we not only have the most powerful tool for changing lives and reality around us, but we also have the best news the world will ever hear. Jesus is Lord, he has reconciled all things, and we are invited to trust in his promises to us. 

THE WORDS PEOPLE ARE DYING TO HEAR

Imagine a world where we are unafraid to tell people that God delights in them as much as he does in his own son. What if we give up all restraint on pouring out words of grace on each person we encounter? What if we take the power of our speech to the bank and opt to help people become more aware and more comfortable with who exactly it is in them that Christ became one with?

Imagine a world where we were unafraid to tell people that God delights in them as much as he does in his own son.

If we choose to use our words to love, en-courage and call out how each person images God, we could see more and more people leave behind their self-doubting, self-justifying prisons. We could watch the Good News about Jesus awaken people to who they really are - and that who they really are is who God has really invited to dwell with him forever.

It's as simple as telling someone how beautiful they are and as complex as spending years in counseling peeling the layers of grief, guilt, and shame that we cling to as our own. The words we speak change the matter all around us. We need not be afraid of this, and we are free to freely distribute the rumors of the Lark of Grace. We have been given the right to speak about the indiscriminate acceptance of God because of what Jesus Christ has done for everyone. 

…we are free to freely distribute the rumors of the Lark of Grace. We have been given the right to speak about the indiscriminate acceptance of God…

You and every person you will ever meet are held by a love that will never let you go. We may as well tell each other so. 

*All photography by Priscilla Du Preez.

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