Rethinking Church For Your Kids
Written by Russ Johnson
As parents, we want the best…
For our kids. We want them to feel safe, supported, and loved. That’s why so many of us brought them to what has been labeled “church”—even when we had no real interest in going ourselves.
The truth is, it’s not uncommon to hear this refrain from parents immersed in the struggle: “We go for the kids.”
But what if the very thing we’re chasing there—a life of freedom for our children—doesn’t come to fruition in what we were handed in the name of church?
For many, that’s a hard question to ask out loud.
And there’s a reason why.
The Four-Generation Fade
There’s a popular theory peddled to weary parents, often called the Four-Generation Fade:
Parents don’t make church a high priority.
Their kids grow up and make church even less of a priority.
Those kids grow up and make it no priority at all.
The next generation grows up with no concept of God.
“Parents, your priorities impact generations,” we’re told. And as a stand-alone statement, it’s true.
But when applied to the Four-Generation Fade, Church history tells a very different story.
The truth?
The fastest-growing movement of the Church happened in its first 300 years, long before the existence of church services, kids’ programs, seminary trained “leaders,” or anyone even having a copy of the Bible.
And during that time?
65% of the Roman Empire came to declare Jesus as Lord. Not because of church attendance, but because of everyday people living out the freedom Jesus gave_around ordinary tables.
This movement didn’t happen in church services. It happened in homes, around meals, and in the daily rhythm of life.
Faith was passed down through unbranded friendships and unhurried parenting, not polished church programs.
When the Strategy Backfires
In a time when formalized churches and their programs are everywhere, yet people living in the freedom of Jesus are rare, it’s worth asking:
Does the “we go for the kids” strategy work?
If the goal is to raise children who rest in the love of the Father who delights in them, and grow in the freedom that comes though passing on grace as a friend, the answer seems clear: no.
To see what I mean, consider this:
Did the institutional church equip you to rest in who Jesus is—and help your children do the same?
If so, why does stepping away from its structure leave you anxious and unprepared for an unplanned life of faith with Jesus?
It’s a common dilemma we hear from honest people across the country, one that raises an important question:
Would you take parenting advice from a conference led by parents whose grown kids are still living in their basement?
Probably not.
So why do we feel the weight to go to churches that do the spiritual equivalent? Churches that keep people dependent on their programming rather than equipping them to step into the adventurous life Jesus has actually given them?
Here’s the kicker:
Jesus never did this thing we now call church. He didn’t start an institution, create services, or tell us to do so. Instead, He constantly invited people to bring their real lives into the open—failures, fears, doubts—and around tables showed them the grace holding them right there in it.
And before leaving, He told everyone who follows Him to go and do the same (Matt 28:19-20).
Because freedom grows where struggles are honest and grace is trusted.
And when those conversations become normal around ordinary tables, faith stops being something we talk about—and becomes something we learn to live.
So why, in the name of following Jesus, would we do the opposite for our kids?
A Better Way
If you want your kids to see God the way Jesus does, start by rethinking what it means to “go for the kids.”
Imagine your children growing up—not with programs but with raw, real-life experiences of grace around the kitchen table with you, and your neighbors. Not with the pressure to perform, but with the freedom to be honest about their struggles and trust the grace that holds them.
Because here’s the thing:
Parenting is hard.
Faith doesn’t have to make it harder.
So feel free to start living in the relief you want for our kids.
And as you do, remember: it’s not about leaving “church”—it’s about rediscovering what it means to be the Church Jesus started, right where you are.
Cheers!