"I've Never Seen A Pastor Cry"
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Sometimes the best way to get the point across is to tell a story. Since this blog aims to explore life in God’s scandalous grace, I’m going to share Lark stories from time to time, illustrating why we’re so adamant about spreading the message of the cross.
BURGERS & NEW FRIENDS
I’ve spent a lot of time with a new friend recently. He’s been connected with LARK for some time while studying Reclaim with us (a book that helps you reimagine the gospel and the Church).
We sat down the other day to eat some pub burgers with ghost pepper cheese while getting to know each other. We connected on our fear of exploring the freedom Jesus offers in the gospel and how hard it can be to accept grace. He ended up sharing a lot of his story with me, which included a great deal of hurt directly from several church leaders in his previous church experiences.
We connected on our fear of exploring the freedom Jesus offers in the gospel and how hard it can be to accept grace.
These stories were discouraging to hear. And they were not stories where it appeared that my friend was making things up or simply misinterpreting something. They were what I’d call blatant and egregious abuses of power and influence. I was heartbroken on the spot while crushing a fantastic burger.
As he finished sharing, I dove right into encouraging him directly. It appeared I was telling him things no pastors have ever told him. He’s used to being told what he can and cannot do based on his maturity, commitment, and progress. He had come to accept that there were inner circles in the Church he simply could not be part of.
He had come to accept that there were inner circles in the Church he simply could not be part of.
GOOD NEWS & GOOD TEARS
I told him that he is part of the demonstration of God’s faithful providence to every person he meets and encounters - exactly as he is. I said to him that the love of God displayed in the crucifixion of Jesus reveals that God is not disappointed in him. I insisted that God is delighted in him instead. Not some version of himself he hasn’t yet become.
I told him that he is part of the demonstration of God’s faithful providence to every person he meets and encounters - exactly as he is.
We could only revel at this, and we wept throughout the exchange (no, not because of the ghost pepper cheese). He told me toward the end of our time together that “I’ve never seen a pastor cry before.” This was stunning to me - it stopped me in my tracks. Anyone who I’ve ever pastored before knows that I’m a crier. I can’t look at you and speak words of encouragement and Good News without tears welling up and streaming down my face.
While it’s unavoidable for me, it tends to catch people by surprise and then put them at ease. But, I was devastated to be told flat out this has never happened to him in a few decades of church experience. Sadly, he’s not the only one who has shared this sort of a story.
AIRPLANES & BACKYARDS
There’s another person who has been learning with LARK for years. Russ & Tony have visited him and his family several times, and I was able to join a recent trip to meet him and his family. He said in a subsequent interview that in all his years as a pastor in a church, no other pastor had ever spent as much time in his backyard as Russ and Tony had.
…in all his years as a pastor in a church, no other pastor had ever spent as much time in his backyard as Russ and Tony…
In fact, few of his peer pastors had visited his home at all. Mind you, Russ and Tony flew across the country to spend time with him. You can see the full story in his interview here. This is not a theme that should be overlooked. These two stories together point to something that gives me great consternation.
I’m not naive enough to overgeneralize this. Still, it has been a clear theme reinforced by nearly every person I’ve had the opportunity to pastor or encourage. Compassion, empathy, presence, and devoted listening appear to be things people in and outside the church are starving for.
They’ve got an overabundance of expectations and calls to do more and be better. Camaraderie and friendship with no strings attached are painfully uncommon, and you can find people struggling with anxiety and loneliness everywhere.
Compassion, empathy, presence, and devoted listening appear to be things people in and outside the church are starving for.
FRIENDSHIP & THE SPREAD OF GOOD NEWS
When I encounter people who’ve only heard rumors of God’s love, I’m entirely overwhelmed as I tell them how and why God’s love for them is so extravagant and endless. When I look them in the eyes and explain again that the incarnation and crucifixion of God in Christ means they are held by a love that will never let them go, they and I are both undone and filled with gratitude and celebration.
So, wherever this blog finds you, I hope your story is an exception to the rule my story seems to suggest. I hope that people who have pastored you are not afraid to hear the long version of your story, to encourage you right where you are with the delight of God, and that they don’t make you small or refuse to cry with you.
I also hope you are inspired by the simplicity and the power of feeling what other people feel. When you make time to hear someone out and speak kind words of encouragement, their shoulders relax and their heart softens as their illusions of God’s disappointment dissipate.
When you make time to hear someone out and speak kind words of encouragement, their shoulders relax and their heart softens as their illusions of God’s disappointment dissipate.
My friend, who had never seen a pastor cry before, said this was one of the best things ever to happen to him. His story was received without calls to improve or put something into practice. He was listened to, loved, and emboldened.
Don’t underestimate how friendship opens space for the Good News about Jesus to be heard and believed. And don’t overestimate the ability of systems and programs to provide the same outcome.
Don’t underestimate how friendship opens space for the Good News about Jesus to be heard and believed.
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